GROWING UP

Most of you know that a month ago my parent's house in Lowell was destroyed in a propane leak explosion. Losing my parents the way I have I guess I shouldn't be surprised when something this odd and tragic and devastating happens but I was surprised and devastated and it all seemed just so...odd. And it was more than tragic, more tragic than I have even been able to understand. On so many levels it seemed like a such a cruel event to happen to so many people. Good people. People just going about their lives, helping others even. My parent's home, my childhood home was literally obliterated. Our neighbors to the west also lost their home, having caught on fire after the explosion. And most tragically, our neighbor, Vic Strain, lost his life while in our house looking for the fuse box, with no clue or hint that something so devastating was about occur . It's impossible to know what actually triggered the explosion but the aftermath that the explosion triggered is still making itself known.

Because the aftermath is still so confusing, tragic and continues to be unjust in so many ways I'll save the words for another time. But here are some thoughts that have become very clear this past month. A month that also included my 40th birthday.

A month ago today my childhood officially ended. I know, it technically ended many, many years ago. But when you always have the home you grew up in available to you then really, do you ever grow up? The moment you step inside that part of you that never wants to grow up makes itself easily at home and doesn't surrender the hold on that nostalgic part of your heart until you leave again.

And while dealing with the loss of my childhood I kept finding myself asking so many "why didn't I" questions. Why didn't I take my favorite sleeping bag? Why didn't I take more of my toys for Eliza to play with? Why didn't I take this, why didn't I take that? And now it's all gone and I missed my chance.

And it really isn't entirely about stuff. What the message is for me is DON'T WAIT. What ever it is you want to do, DON'T WAIT. With only a very few exceptions there is no better time than now to do what ever it is that you have been meaning to do (most likely for a very long time!). And for those of you have lost much more than stuff this last month, for those of you who have lost loved ones, best friends, partners, children, pets or co-workers or any other special person, if there is someone in your life that you need to tell something to, do something with, or hug please do not hesitate. DON'T WAIT. If you do you may have to grow up a lot faster than you want. And if you have a dream, chase it. It's a lot easier when you have that inner child alive and well, the part that says "I can do this". 

We all say goodbye to that part of us at some point and officially grow up.

Some of the very few visible remnants of my childhood.